Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
