I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize