I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
