I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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