go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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