I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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