Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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