dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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