A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
