Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
