Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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