I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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