I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
