hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
