We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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