Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
