like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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