Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
