i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
