is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
