I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
