I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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