next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
