Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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