butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My liver just broke up with me...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
