My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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