Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
