This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
