A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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