Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
