i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
