I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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