Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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