Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
