the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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