ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
