what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
