Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
