So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
