You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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