I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize