The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
