final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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