Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
