I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
