i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
