HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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