he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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