That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize