I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The air was thick with penises
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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