OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
