My first STD was from a foam party
Where is the hickey?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize