apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
