I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
