my phone needs a breathalizer
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
