I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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