Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
