You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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