You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
