Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
