Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
