I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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