Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
