There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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