Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
